i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
