i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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