We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
