I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
