why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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