I am puke
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
