So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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