you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
