I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
