When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
