it was like his penis was on wheels.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
