i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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