Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
