There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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