I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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