i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
