Im at strip club and am horny
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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