I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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