I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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