I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
