My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We talked him into tasing himself.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
