addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
