Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
