so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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