If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
