Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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