In the future we'll all be gay
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
