You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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