Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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