you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
