My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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