i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
