You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
