Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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