i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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