i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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