Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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