my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
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It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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