your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
