I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Houston, we have a squirter
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
