Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
