when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
