You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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