when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I love having hate sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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