Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
