his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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