i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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