I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who died my cat blue again?
we should paint friendship bongs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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