I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
