yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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