I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
