first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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