it was like his penis was on wheels.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
