I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You're a waste of cheezeits
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
