Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
