She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
