She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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