dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
