Got a toothbrush?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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