My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
