We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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