hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
